Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
