First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
