He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
