I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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