plz talk dirty to me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
