So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The best revenge is premature balding
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize