I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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