dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
