Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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