hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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