Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
