thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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