my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
