So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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