His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
