p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
