Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize