Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
