No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize