dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
