Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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