Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
