ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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