A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize