The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
