We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
