apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
