I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize