dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
