omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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