We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
