if only i could text you this smell
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
