i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
