I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
