He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
