You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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