Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I looked at my own cervix.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
