I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
