Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
