So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
