Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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