Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
