I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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