he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
