Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
