Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
