if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize