I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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