Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
