HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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