Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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