I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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