Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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