So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
