How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
