Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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