dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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