I can text with my tongue
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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