think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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