When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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