Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
