Who wears a wallet chain?!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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