but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
