Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
