No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
