standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
