So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
